Do you know anyone who tries to dominate every conversation? Let’s be direct. People who talk too much are either rude or boring. Or both.
Most of us are not only affected, but afflicted. It feels better to talk than to listen. Despite the old proverb*, “We have two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we speak,” we often prefer to talk – because it makes us feel like we’re in control. But that’s a false feeling. The real power lies with the listener: they can tune out, daydream, interrupt, or just plain ignore. Talkers with short antennae miss the signals. Or they misread the clues, then talk faster or louder to try and keep their target attentive. It’s a chronic condition.
In the movie Pulp Fiction (considered a cult classic, despite the over-the-top vulgarity and gratuitous violence), Uma’s character interviews her date before going out with him asking, “In conversation, do you listen? Or wait to talk?” Travolta: “I have to admit that I wait to talk – but I’m trying harder to listen.” Nuggets of wisdom can pop up in unexpected places.
Think about it. How often do we really listen versus get ready to make our next statement. There’s a big difference.
W.A.I.T. is a helpful acronym. It stands for Why Am I Talking?
Here’s a tip: Next time, whether you’re in a conversation or giving a speech, think audience first. What can you do or say that will make the experience better for the people you’re with (and with whom you want to nurture your relationship), not just what’s in your mind that you want to audibly release. You might find it much more effective. And more rewarding too.
*Credit: Classic Greek philosopher Epictetus, 55 AD, “We were born with two ears and one mouth for a reason, so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”